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Working with baby – working with toddler

by Kristina Gavran

When Tina and I started notnow Collective, my son was four months old. I was a mother for the first time, scared that I will never work again and desperately feeling that I don’t have time for myself or creativity in general. Tina, my colleague and a mother of two sons, had a mysterious smile on her face, and only now I know what that smile meant (or should I say, I only half-know as I still don’t have that second child). And I know this: working while having older kids around is so much more difficult then when they are babies.

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You are wondering why is there a photo of tomatoes in this post? Keep on reading 🙂

When we started working, my son used to sleep 2+1+2 hours during the day. That means I had 5 hours to work on my theatre projects (and back then I was complaining about that! How I wish I had those 5 hours now)! Even when he was not sleeping, it was easy to push him in the pram or cuddle him gently so that I could continue with my meeting or writing. But now, he is a toddler, or should I say – a runner. He is running like crazy, throwing balls, climbing slides, pushing and jumping. He needs active  attention every single second. Have I mentioned he sleeps 1 and a half hours per day? Yes, what perfect working hours!

So, I start working in the evening, when he finally goes to sleep, but I am too tired from all the running, climbing, throwing balls, sliding after him. Once again, I ask myself – how will I manage it? Are there some tricks to occupy him whilst Tina and I are rehearsing/writing grant applications/responding to emails, or when I am writing a play? How can I be creative while playing with him at the same time? Can he be a part of the creative process? What can his presence in the rehearsal room bring at this stage? As we are planning the tour of Wonderwoman, I guess the answers will soon become apparent.

Motherhood brought a lot: I am more focused, I appreciate my time more, I am better at multitasking and patience, but let’s just talk about creativity. How did my creativity change? I see my son as a world-explorer. He is so amazed by little things. Everything is new to him. Maybe that is the best thing about having a baby – being reminded how wonderful the world is, and how inspiring it can be. That kind of fresh viewpoint is so important for theatre, and for working in the arts. Just seeing things in a different way. Did you know that tomatoes are slower than balls (when you roll them), that water makes a sound if you blow in it, that mud and ice make wonderful cakes, and that it is really hard to catch ants? Do you see ideas for a theatre play here? I do!

During the day, while running after him, my brain works like crazy – I am just getting ideas for creative projects, for theatre plays, stories, workshops… my son is a muse for my creativity.

I only wish I had time to write it all down.

But at least some of it is here…

 

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Mothers who make meeting in Birmingham

This is an invitation to come along to the new Birmingham-based branch of Mothers who Make, a growing national initiative aimed at supporting mothers who are creative practitioners – professional and/or passionate – writers, painters, actors, dancers, musicians, film-makers, producers, designers,….every kind of maker welcome, and every kind of mother. Also please feel free to bring along your children, of any age, whether they are inside you, beside you or running round the room. Mothers of older children are also extremely welcome.

  • When: Friday 17th June 12-1.30pm
  • Where: Randle Studio, mac birmingham
  • Why: Read on below….

If you would like to attend please email us at: notnowcollect@gmail.com

Mothers Who Make was founded by Matilda Leyser, a London based performer and a writer. notnow Collective teamed up with her wanting to support mothers makers in our local area.

notnow Collective was founded by Tina Hofman (theatre maker) and Kristina Gavran (writer) with the aim to explore how to continue professional career whilst being a parent. Our first show Wonderwoman: The Naked Truth just finished the run at mac Birmingham, and are booking a tour for 2017.  It looks into different sides of motherhood, career and multitasking, and was inspired by Lyn Gardner’s article “Parents in the Arts Need To Stage a Revolution”.

Initially we thought we were the only mothers- artists struggling to keep it all going, but with the research and networking over the past year, we found out there are so many facing similar questions, uncertainties, joys and frustrations. Being a mother is regularly accompanied by feeling of missing out, guilt or feeling of letting someone down, whether this is within our family, or our career. However, our work as individual artists, as well as notnow Collective, is profoundly influenced by our mothering and caring role, with all the order and chaos that comes with it.

“How to carry our creative selves and our children, our work of mothering and of making, is the focus of this group. If you are a mother and a maker, and if you wonder how to do both these things with fullness, I would love you to come.” Matilda Leyser

Join the national community of Mothers who Make on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1484128908536006/

And use our Twitter handle: #motherswhomake

A question, a case study and seven digressions

by Duška Radosavljević

I am tickled by a question a fellow dramaturg asked me the other day: is there such a thing as female dramaturgy?[1] Not so much a 21st century feminist dramaturgy but rather a pre-Aristotelian mode of theatre-making that can be characterized as female rather than male.

It’s hard to speculate around a question like this, but it did remind me of something the neuro-surgeon and author Leonard Shlain said in his 1998 book The Alphabet Versus the Goddess. According to Shlain, writing entails pretty much the same neurons in the hand-to-eye co-ordination process as those used by men specifically while hunting. Women’s habitual hand-to-eye co-ordination, meanwhile, works differently, he argues, because the neurons active in taking care of babies are different; hence, women see the world more holistically. Writing, claims Shlain, is intrinsically a male activity, and the advent of literacy, interestingly, coincided with the end of matriarchal, goddess-worshiping cultures.

I don’t have the book to hand to quote Shlain directly, but the way I have processed this reading would lead me to think that female dramaturgy would be different from the male, Aristotelian, linear, conflict-based one in a number of significant ways. We could not imagine exactly what the pre-literate female brain was like and what kind of theatre it would have led to, but we could perhaps deduce some key features of female dramaturgy from observing the work of theatre women more closely. If I may be allowed to generalize on the basis of personal experience, I would suggest that women favour fragementary, cyclical structures; they tend to dwell on a specific theme rather than pursuing action-filled plots;[2] their strorytelling is more ornate and full of digressions;[3] and they are possibly more conflict-averse.

I can give a more specific example too. I was recently invited to work as a dramaturg with Notnowcollective on their show Wonderwoman: The Naked Truth. Notnowcollective are two theatre women based in Birmingham – Kristina Gavran, a writer, and Tina Hofman, an actress, director, producer.[4] Their piece, Wonderwoman, is specifically about motherhood rather than femininity as such. Despite some reservations about my ability to rise to the challenge given that I am currently on maternity leave and living in a different city, Tina and Kristina wanted me to be part of the process precisely because of these circumstances – the ability to understand the constant balancing act, the dealing with the interruptions, the guilt, the occasional need to work below one’s own standards. (They didn’t say all this but intuitive understanding too can be deemed to be part of the package.)

At first I read the text – a document of a semi-devised creative process the two had undertaken for about a year. It was charming, funny, strong, erratic, erotic, rough at the edges and simply wonderful. Then I visited for a runthrough – because my baby is breastfeeding and I don’t drive, I came to Birmingham with my whole family in tow. Baby Katarina and I went into the rehearsal room, our boys out into the groovy gardens of Birmingham Mac for an afternoon. And this is it: unlike other (men-led) rehearsal rooms, this one was filled with an informal, chatty, gentle energy. Our conversations took place over walnuts and dates with known places of origin. We delighted in hearing each other’s personal stories.[5] There was no excessive compulsion about having to reach goals or targets. I felt completely relaxed about having to change or feed the baby while working. She felt okay about sleeping in the room.[6] The sunshine warmed the room discretely, and the main problem was: how to make the fights between the two characters convincing enough!

I was not able to attend the premiere, but I did see the final script and the video recording of the performance. At the end of it I can tell you this: Wonderwoman: The Naked Truth is a vibrant and earnest piece of theatre – the kind in which the fights are playacted, the kind in which a particular theme[7] is explored within a cycle of carefully crafted fragments, and the kind I would imagine pre-Aristotelian theatre women would approve of.

[1] Digression 1: The question, posed by my friend Beatriz Cabur, was in fact prompted by this fascinating article: http://howlround.com/why-i-m-breaking-up-with-aristotle.

[2] Digression 2: Here I am thinking of the image of Penelope weaving during the day and undoing her weaving during the night, only to start all over again the next day. I’m thinking of this image not in the context of its own narrative causality as envisaged by Homer (whoever s/he may be), but as an emblematic image of a female weaver being more interested in repeating rather than completing an action.

[3] Digression 3: Or maybe the right term would be embroidering?

[4] Digression 4: Both of these women practice professional storytelling too. This is significant.

[5] Digression 5: Tina and Kristina are both Croatian. I am Serbian. This might have been significant at one time too. We spoke in a mixture of languages, patching together experiences, past and present, with some plans and desires for the future.

[6] Digression 6: I may be forgiven for confessing this now: I was completely exhausted when I arrived into the room after weeks of not sleeping and overdelivering on other fronts, and suddenly I was feeling completely rejuvenated and revived just by being there

[7] Digression 7: If you must know, the theme of the piece would be best expressed as ‘Can you have it all?’. But then ‘Can you have it all?’ is actually the way a man would put it, within a male world. Within a female world, the question would be something more like: ‘How can I smoothly and productively integrate into my life the roles of a mother, artist, lover, ethical member of the society and a joyful human being?’.

Wonderwoman: The Naked Truth Review

guest blog post by Jordan Garvey

Jordan is a new mum from Birmingham, she is also a writer having written for blogs for the last four years, she is currently writing a book, when she isn’t cuddling her newborn or changing nappies. Originally, the article was published on her blog Bug and Bloom. Check it for more Jordan’s writings on motherhood.

‘Wonder Woman… you need to earn it!’

It’s been a while since we’ve written anything for our blog, in the midst of teething traumas, lack of sleep, holidays and day to day things, writing has been a little bit of a thing of the past, until now. This week we trundled our teething babe down to MAC to watch a play with a baby friendly matinee, written by two mums for mums called Wonderwoman: The Naked Truth, it was so liberating to be welcomed into a creative space with Ida and to see so many other parents who were also comfortable and had brought along their little one. There was no sneering if your child cried or ran up to the performers during the show because this show highlighted how to be a mum and find time to pursue our ambitions, especially as creatives. But this wasn’t just the bit for me that I found myself relating to as Ida’s teething pains kicked in half way through the performance.

The show tackled issues around feeling shamed and being shamed by other parents about our “inadequacies” as parents. Does your baby have a bedtime routine? No? Shame on you! Do you eat chocolate? Yes, you know your post pregnancy body won’t thank you! Shame on you! The expectations and pressures put on mums of today was something I had thought about when I was pregnant. Would people shirk me if I didn’t lose my post baby flab straight away? Am I a terrible mother if I look at my phone for five minutes whilst my baby is feeding because my attention has been on her for most of the day? Am I terrible for craving just five minutes of escape? Being surrounded by mother’s who had also brought their tiny babes to the shows, who also had a knowing look, a look that says “Shame on me?” helped me realise that it is okay to want time to yourself, to be you, to be more than your baby and not get it right, not have the answers and just do the absolute best you can.

Talking about the things that you love or like about your baby or being a mother was a piece of the show that really warmed my heart. Things like “I love when my baby smiles.” “I love when I feed my baby.” and even how we interact with other people’s children matters a lot to other parents. “I like how you are with my kids.” “I like the questions your kids ask me.” Finding the positives in a job that is brilliantly difficult helps when the days that you just wish you knew how to do his better arrives. When you look in the mirror and smile wearily at yourself and try and believe that you’ve got this.

“You’ve got to give it to yourself”… Throughout the show Wonder Woman wants one thing. Validation. To know that she is doing a great job, she is a wonderful mother. “Do you want a medal?” someone might ask when you talk about the hard times of parenting. Well yes, yes I do is what the answer may be and you know, that is totally fine because when you do a hard job sometimes a pat on the pat helps you get through, but as mothers we need to learn that we can be given certificates, medals, hugs and words of encouragement but there is only one person that can convince us that we are doing an amazing job and that is ourselves. No matter how many times our partners, families or friends tell us how incredible we are, you won’t believe it unless you think it. I remember shortly after having Ida being wracked with guilt because I didn’t have a clue how to deal with certain things and it didn’t matter if Paul hugged me and told me I was doing great, I didn’t believe it until we took Ida to be weighed at the baby clinic and she had put on over two pounds in two weeks, the health visitor commented on how happy and healthy Ida looked. It was this moment that I realised that I could give myself that medal, that certificate that says I am bloody brilliant.

Wonderwoman: The Naked Truth is a huge praise to its creators Not Now Collectiv and its performers, Tina and Kristina. Thank you for allowing us into your space, to feel comfortable and showing us that being a mother is difficult, is demanding and doesn’t define who you are but it does give us power and strength when we acknowledge that we aren’t perfect.

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After the performance

So, Wonderwoman: The Naked Truth at mac was truly successful! We managed to accompany a fabulous team of creatives with Hannah Silva taking the director’s chair and Georgie Lee being the most wonderful stage manager! More than that, we had babies in three out of four shows, and one of the shows had over 75% carers with babies in the audience! Big thumbs up for Tim Hodgson and mac Birmingham for being really passionate about investigating artistic practices: believing that parents in the arts should still have access to work, and to be able to see high quality work whilst being with their babies!

Keep tuned in, we’re planning a Wonderwoman: The Naked Truth tour for early 2017!

DadMan: The Bath-Time Warrior Tour announcement

Notnow Collective is proud to announce that our newest project DadMan: The Bathtime Warrior we has been successful in securing the funding from Arts Council and Sir Barry Jackson Trust Fund, alongside the partnership from MAC Birmingham, Derby Theatre, Attenborough Arts Centre and Wolverhampton Aren.

In a nutshell this means a considerable growth for our small organisation: we are creating a brand new show, our 13 venues touring circuit widens beyond our Midlands borders and we go nationwide, and we will be further exploring what baby-friendly theatre is and delivering a focused audience development activity throughout the next 9 months!

Check all the information and tour dates here. 

How long does it take for a child to break a pair of sunglasses?

by Georgina Lee

Turns out not actually that long, but it serves me right for giving them to the little one, eBay’s finest just could withstand his strength! With a new pair instantly purchased on my phone it was time to start rehearsals.

This week was the week when the director Hannah Silva would be working with us. It’s been really interesting to get a fresh pair of eyes on the piece and it’s developed dramatically with Hannah’s help.

Rehearsals are so much fun, not only because the show is brilliant but the way we all interact and share different stories, from breast-milk leaking everywhere to sex after children. We’re all so relaxed and open which is refreshing and I’ve learnt a lot about motherhood from Tina and Kristina.

The show is looking really good and there are beautiful moments which I love to watch and enjoy, I know the next week will be stressful in the run up to tech and dress rehearsals, but I’m ready for it.

I really recommend watching “Embarrassed” by Hollie Mcnish, which is a piece of spoken word about breastfeeding and how it is frowned upon.

 

 

 

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Children, chicken pox and creativity

 by Georgina Lee

I spent the day with Tina and Kristina of notnow Collective working on their upcoming show Wonderwoman: The Naked Truth.

The dynamic duo has been rustling up an innovative piece of theatre discussing their experience of motherhood and the challenges they have faced. One of those obvious challenges today was chicken pox; Tina’s son had caught them and not wanting to give them to Kristina’s son, a trip to the park sounded like a plan.

Whilst running through the grounds of Canon Hill Park, I came to realise how much energy you need to keep up with children, and I only spent an hour with him, I began to wonder how could you balance children and your career/lifestyle?4772

The two women have always been relaxed about having their children in the rehearsal room, and encourage the audience to bring their children along too, whatever happens happens!

Mothers are constantly being judged; breast or bottled-fed, stay at home or back to work, self-soothe or not? No matter what mothers pick there will always be someone who disagrees as you can’t please everyone. Who defines what makes a good mother and why should people care what others think?

The show is ever-changing and evolving as the rehearsal period goes on, and I am extremely excited to be a part of that.

Wonderwoman: The Naked Truth will be performed at mac Birmingham on:

Sunday 22nd May 2pm & 5pm

Tuesday 24th May 12pm & 8pm

(Matinees are baby friendly)

Head over to https://macbirmingham.co.uk/event/wonderwoman for tickets or https://notnowcollective.com/projects/wonderwoman/ for more information.

 

 

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Talking baby stuff

by Kristina Gavran

I miss talking adult stuff. I miss deep, concentrated, long conversations about literature, politics, or even men. I cannot say for sure that is „adult stuff“, but it is definitely different from talking about teething, milestones (is your baby turning? Is your baby saying da-da-ma-ma?) or asking what you put into puree.

I’ve met so many mums and got to know quite a lot about their life – I know their baby’s sleep routine, how much they are eating or their digestion problems, and yet I have no idea what profession those mums have. What is their favorite band? Where did they used to go dancing? On a business networking meeting you would start a conversation with „And what do you do?“  In a club you might start  with „What music do you listen to?“ In a stay and play group you start with „How old is your kid?“ We don’t talk about ourselves anymore, we constantly talk about our kids.

On the other hand, having a baby is like having a dog – it is your ticket to meet so many new people in the parks and just start a conversation because you have something in common. Pram, baby, dog…they are all signs that you share similar topics. It is much harder to find out about someones hobbies or music style. Although it is nice to share problems like teething and colic with complete strangers, get some sympathy or a bit of advice, I miss good old fashioned conversations about weather and rain. Or just not talking to strangers at all.

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You become a mum, but nobody tells you that all of a sudden you have to sit in a circle and sing nursery rhymes, making some weird movements with your body (The Wheels on the bus go round and round) and smile to all the other babies and mums. My first stay and play group felt like everybody around me was on drugs; mums who are weirdly happy, and a group leader speaking in high voice: That is beeeeaautiful! Let’s sing again!

I started avoiding children’s centers after a parenting workshop in which the workshop leader gave us papers with drawings of faces with emotions – sad, angry, tired, upset. She said „Circle the face that shows how you feel“ I felt like screaming. Thank you very much, I am an adult, I know how to express how I feel, I don’t need drawings for that. Just because I have a child doesn’t mean you have to treat me as a child.

Recently I met my friend Ann who is not a mum, and doesn’t even have an interest in babies. We were walking in a park and talking while my baby was sleeping in his pram and it was so good to talk normally again. But then we met another friend of mine who has a baby as well. I exchanged a couple of sentences with her „How cute is your baby! Wow, what a nice dress you have (baby has a dress, not mum). Yes you do, yes you do! Nice dress!“ and I just noticed Ann rolling her eyes. Later on Ann told me „You mums behave completely different when you are alone, or when you are in a group.“ I remembered the previous scene and yes, I caught myself speaking in high voice, making weird faces and repeating words. It’s a little like two teenagers meeting together and all of a sudden changing their normal speech patterns.

So, maybe all the other mums, same as I do, also complain about talking baby stuff all the time. But once they are in the mother circle they just play along. I should protest. Of course I should protest. But I just keep mum.